Monthly Archives: June 2013

Hey honey where you going?

I really should start a third blog. Not about art and poetry, and not about passion and politics. Just about the I random sequences of events that plague my single and thirty life. It might be humorous if I read it ten years from now.
I’m walking down the street… It’s around five and it’s bright and hot on a Birmingham Saturday. I’m going to chic filet to meet my brother who has arrived in the city two hours early, so he won’t be late for his date with my best friend. I’m hungry anyway and am used to walking in the heat… And the day light. Someone is parallel parked and I hear him out the window ” can I come widju?” Thinking he is yelling in a blu tooth I can’t see and won’t stop to investigate, I keep walking. A few feet further the nice red SUV is slowly riding parallel to my sidewalk … ” hey can I come wid u” … It is day time and still a good walk to my destination and thus is gonna get awkward… ” come with me where ??? ” wherever you going” the forty something black owner of the SUV replies. I keep walking ” I’m just going to meet my brother” yes there is another male close by dude so drive away… At a faster speed please- do I look like a game player? ” well I’ll come meet your brother too”…
” no thank you”
Well how bout dinner after you meet your brother?
” no thank you”
” I promise it’s a good deal”
” that’s alright no thanks”
” well how bout I give you my number you put it in your phone and call me when you want dinner… No string attached”
This would require stopping and walking closer to get said number… Do people really DO THIS???
” I… I have somebody, it’s alright thanks”. I heard a murmured discontent but non interpreted phrase.
” well… I tried”.
I was only half lying, the half that was truth was “No thanks”… I must say there are some either really brave souls or some really desperate hearts. From the moment of the attempted pick up I was thinking of an incident a few weeks back, the third day after I had given up my paid parking spot and took to parking in a lot across from the fancy restaurant close to my building. I went out one morning to leave from work and found a note on my car…


” tony bishop- call me”
I took the note to the land lord who had no idea who ” tony bishop” was and neither did I…. But heck if I’m calling him so he can have my number saved in his phone… Apparently he already has been watching me. Creepy. Or maybe I just think differently. No face name and number…. No name face wants to buy dinner.
Them there is the maintenance guy at my building who has suddenly tried to get brazen by suggesting a place for me to wear my ” new red white and blue bathing suit” …. Which he saw when he did some work in my apartment … While I was away. The plumbing was his job … Not taking notes of my apartment and then giving me “advice” but somehow he thought I would be pleased that he was … Um… *cough* concerned about where I would wear that thing. He also thought I would be amused that he missed seeing my truck in my former parking spot.
“But now I won’t know when you are here or not”
” maybe that’s a good thing” I retorted… My patience is wearing thin with this one. He is one more bitch look away from a report … I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I really do, and I hate causing problems or drama. I really really do. Sometimes I wait too long to be sure a spade is a spade.
Point being, are all these men just the loudest guys in the room- hypothetically speaking. Or do they get more brazen with age and have zero to lose. It’s interesting from a study perspective, but down right scary when you are walking along minding your own in your own time – and in your own space.


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Weather Musings

It’s hot

Like step outside once and your hair mats,

step outside twice and you are also taking two showers today hot

Like three layers of clothing as a work uniform is cruel punishment hot

It’s hot like it only gets down here

Where it isn’t the heat, but the sticking hovering and smothering humidity

The humidity that people north of here don’t even understand

The cut the air with a machete and watch it separate with your own eyes hot
Where you inhale on your cigarette and exhale and the smoke just stays right in front of your face because there is NO BREEZE

Your eyes sweat

No use in wearing make up because it looks like you have face planted some soot by the end of the day.

The kind of southern heat that writes fantastic country songs about “bare foot blue jean nights” and dancing on Chevy beds…except I live in Birmingham and nobody has time for that kind of nonsense,they just congregate on the back step and discuss the heat-then go to a pub.

It is that time of year I set my air conditioning unit to 80 and the fan to high and pray to God that Alabama Power will look over it…because it is too hot to breathe on my twelfth  floor. The time of year where I have to be cold and wearing as little as possible in order to be able to sleep. Yeah, it is that kind of hot.
The wishing you had a perfect shade, an ice cold water all day long and no work because work makes you mad kind of heat. The heat that make you feel lethargic when you are still, and like you might die if you move too fast. The kind of heat that makes you jump in that nasty lake that your northern friends make fun of. Hey we are gonna shower off chlorine if we get in a pool, so whats the difference? Showering off is showering off.

So mix a drink of honeysuckle vodka, real lemonade and name it “it’s too damn hot for this”. Yeah…welcome to the south, sorry gentleman but all the southern belles have wilted, come back around December.

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Just once

Just once I would like to be surprised
For things not to turn out as predicted
For people not to project face
And then only protect their own space
But I guess it’s what I reaped
In the seeds I’ve sown
For. Looking too hard and waiting too long for talking too much and feeling to strong
Just once I would like to surprised
Once is all it would take
To take me from this place
And fill this tired ache
I’m tired of having the right numbers and playing the right cards
I’m tired of being proven
And I’m tired of building fortresses
And still come out losing
Just once I would like to be surprised
And for the gift to be mine
Just once I would like to be surprised
Just a little bit of fresh air
To simply blow my mind
Just one time
Is all it would take

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The Angelina Effect


Let me be clear, this is a fan article about Angelina Jolie who I am a fan for life. If you hate Angie or think I am getting unreasonably praising…go read one of my other posts, where I am reasonably balanced in praise and criticism.

I recently read an article in Time magazine called “The Angelina Effect”. The article was dealing with the now public fact that Angelina Jolie, one of the most beautiful women in the world by many people’s standards, has had a double mastectomy. As a younger woman, I collected magazines, movies and anything else with Angelina Jolie’s face on it. So a cover story in Time was no exception. That week, the story had broke on the internet entertainment blogs and it was joked at work “what will the world do without Angie’s boobs”. Well that argument is kind of invalid, given that Angie has not done any nudish roles in years. In fact she has not done many roles at all. The last film she starred in was “The Tourist” which by Angie standards was very low key…almost a throw back to fifties era action, such as Audrey Hepburn in “Charade”. “SALT” was a remarkable action film that only Angie could pull off and she didnt need her boobs to do it. With all do respect…it has been a while since we seen the Angelina of Foxfire, Girl Interrupted or any of the strung out rebellious roles she made her mark in early on.  Angie grew up about twleve years ago. 

   The article was taking into consideration that like incidents in the past decade of fans naming their kids after Angie’s kids (Maddox, Vivien etc) or women getting involved with charity work because Angelina has become an anthropologist like many stars before her, that now women may feel courageous enough to have preliminary mastectomies if they have a gene that makes them liable for breast cancer, ovarian cancer or the like. It weighed the pros and cons of this, and argued how the procedure is not easy to attain neither is the gene test that she had. At the end of the article, what I gather is that no average female would easily come to this decision nor we she likely be able to get through all the hoops to get that kind of procedure done-especially just to be like Angie…making the premise of the article kind of silly. That being said, I do think it is interesting that once again Angelina Jolie has proven to be one of the most unique individuals in my time.

  Like I said, I have always been an Angie fan. In my earlier twenties, as a movie lover, I thought she was one of the most fearless actresses and one of the most dynamic to watch. I thought she was authentic and seemed to be so, even in her interviews. She just did not care-she WAS Lisa in Girl Interrupted. That kind of fearlessness is something I was attracted to. I was not a gamer but I loved that she transformed herself from a scrawny looking drug addled psycho in Girl Interupted into a G.I. Jane Amazon woman for Tomb Raider. Who could do that but Angie? When she started jumping continents as United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, I bought her book. When she got rid of Billy Bob for the son she adopted, I applauded. When that idiot  celebrity ambulance chaser known as “doctor” Drew, took to Fox News of all places to put in his two cents that Lindsey Lohan would get straight and make a come back, but Angelina was going to publicly unravel…after all she is an ex heroin addict and that is what they do. They dont get straight, they just replace and currently Angelina had no replacement and thus would go into a downward spiral and it would be a public embarrassment and her and Brad Pitt would most likely split up. His words not mine. Well that Dr. Drew statement was about four years ago, and if this is Angelina’s downward spiral, well it is the most thought out and expensive one-with the full teary eyed support of Brad Pitt. Dr. Drew just may be a moron. 

   Although I do find her actions extreme, and I cannot say that I would have a full double mastectomy as preliminary action, I do think they were genuine on her part. None of us know what we would do, in any given situation until we meet those terms in our own lives. Many say they would not undergo chemotherapy, if they were to get cancer. Some say they would do anything to survive. None of us know what we will do…especially if we have a world of options and resources. In Angelina’s words “I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer…they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can”.  I try to think in proactive terms as well, but I probably wouldn’t do this and Angelina has a background that I do not have, I applaud her for transforming herself from the reckless image she had before to what she is now. At least in her image that she shows us. She shows us that the sexual image we created around her over a decade ago, does not apply to her personal life and kids. In many articles I have read since “The Tourist” she has simply stated that her heart was not really in movie making least as an actress. “In the Land of Blood and Honey” was her project on a subject about Bosnia and a war that most of us know very little detail about. Allot of passion went into the film, and native Yugoslavian actors were in the film. It was called pretentious and basically she was harped on for being “preachy”. Iv’e never heard anyone say Angie was not beautiful…well one guy said it but I think he was lying to impress his girlfriend. I have heard her beauty was perceived than actual symmetrical or technical beauty. Ok…same concept. I have heard it was her dangerous and expressive eyes that seem to have no filter. Rarely have I heard it was her breasts, but rather her fearless and sometimes scary aggressiveness film-be that sexual or violent. Many female actresses came after her to reach the bar she set in action films for women…while still being feminine. Zoe Saldan, that chic that plays Nikkita. Angie did it first and she did it better. She may not ever do it again, but not because she has less on her chest, but rather because her priorities and passions have changed. The most beautiful woman in the world, is in some peoples eyes more beautiful because of her choices, but also because of that same fearlessness about what other people think of her and her disregard for the care put on her sexual prowess. She changed what is perceived as sexy. Anyone who says “what will the world do without ….” never paid much attention to begin with. She still has those eyes, which have no filter.



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The Paula Deen Dillema

   Paula Deen said the n word…no one really knows when but whenever it was, it was in private and the poor woman keeps digging a bigger hole for herself attempting to amend the situation. In all honesty, I have not seen media coverage slaying a celebrity like this since Charlie Sheen. Though Charlie was already a known sloth, and Paula Deen has been like a grandmother figure for years. The similarities of the two are this…who gives a hoot. Is Paula Deen’s character on trial in every home across America? Do you have to be one hundred percent, never failing and always on point in order to COOK SOUTHERN?

    I am not a Paula Deen fan, I have always thought she “put on” just a little too much southern accent and flair for her brand. Just like many country music stars do. That being said I think she is being treated unfairly. A little about me, I work in a southern country club-old money and outdated ideas come to the country club…many like those espoused by Deen in a recent description of a “plantation themed wedding” she had planned but nixed the idea. I also work in an environment where the majority are black males. They want to retire from this club, because they say it is the easiest money they have ever made. Listening to feedback from them, they all say “leave Paula Deen alone” “seriously cover some real news” “Paula Deen said the n word? In her own house? Thirty years ago”…”well I get drunk in my house every night and call all you people crackers and worse am I gonna lose my job for what I say in my house?”. 

    Can  what someone says in emotional moments, tired moments, worried moments or dark hours be used to judge their entire character and smear their life work. For that matter, should their faults be at the judging table for the world to see? I wonder how many celebrities have used the n word or worse. How many dont use the n word, never have and never will, but are worse kinds of people then Paula Deen who is just an older southern woman? What is really at the discussion table here? A friend of mine, who is also a black male had this to say “leave that lady alone, she ain’t no racist. She said this in 1983 and she ain’t bothering me. Go to the other end of Birmingham and see how the rest of us live and talk about ways to change it. Find something worth reporting and just leave her alone”. Well God bless his heart. He also thinks Paul “Bear” Bryant was a “known racist” and that it is funny that even black people in the south wear hounds tooth print in football season. I did some research on that…it is not “known” that the Bear was a racist. It is “known” that he was constrained by the school and Governor George Wallace at the time, and just did not push it…until the legendary loss to the Trojans (an integrated team) in 1970 gave Bryant the leverage needed in his argument to integrate the Crimson Tide. So it is all in how we want to interpret our heroes, here in the south. Being southern, we are all judged by our history and the threads of our culture that may pop up in our discussions. Any discussion, topic or event has the potential to be a sticky situation. No matter how we try to amend it, no matter how we try to avoid it. This goes for blacks and whites. Go on a shopping trip with me and one of my best girl friends who is not white. Some of the looks that we each get from the opposite race for daring to be in the same company as the other, would put the Paula Deen scandal under the table. God forbid I go see a movie with a black male friend, and it is not the white guys giving me “go to hell looks”. Nobody is exempt and nobody is innocent here.  Did Bryant ever use the “n” word. I have heard that he did…it was probably in private, or in meetings. We hear that he said “I want some of those fast “n******”. It is also said  that the line was “I need some of those fast Negroes”. Like I said, what is the argument worth? If he was and if he was not, here in Alabama to speak ill of the Bear is essentially to speak ill of the Christ, God bless you (unless you are an Auburn fan and then you just don’t count). Everyone has opinions and thoughts, should their gift in society be thrown out, or should it be picked in spite of their issues. 

    The south and those who have grown up in the south have in our culture threads of racism. It still exists or we wouldn’t be slaying Paula Deen. What is racism or how is proof of racism defined? How does it continue to live? Does it continue to live because broad and loud proclamations are made on every media outlet? A friend told me “I don’t care who calls me a nigger, that is their problem, not mine. I know I am not one. A nigger is a user, a lazy trashing low life. I’m not that and I know I’m not that, so they can call me what they want to. For me to argue and and get offended is to lower myself to feel I have to defend against a slur given by someone who obviously doesn’t know me”. I cant relate there…but if someone calls me a “white trash whore”….well I can use that same argument. If someone calls me a slut or accuses me of using a “female card” I can also use the same argument. Of course if someone were to do that at work, it would be a different story…but in their every day lives outside work, it is none of my business. Maybe we should get back to the pride of privacy and stop feeling we have a say in the thoughts and minds of others. This is more about the “thought police” and their restrictions then it is a question of whether or not Paula Deen is a racist…which I’m sorry all of us at the country club think is laughable.


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Paula Deen’s Dillema

Paula Deen’s Dillema.

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